For What It's Worth
by jaokolad
Summary: Being willing to die for someone and feeling at home with them were certain signs of love, wasn't it? Was it a question of whether he loved Maka, or a question of if he loved himself? After a meeting with Stein, Soul begins to look for the answers.


A/N: Here's an unbeta'd ( because I abuse my poor beta with long chapters all the time ), short story with drabble-esque chapters without much of an over-arching plot. I wanted to go about Soul and Maka's relationship from a different angle. This super loose style will help me keep writing because when you get frustrated with other projects and stop writing, that's when writer's block comes in. So this is more like a snack between the bigger meals like SouLimit and Beloved. Anyways, enjoy!

**For What It's Worth**

**Mini-chapter 1**

To give your life for the safety of someone else was the ultimate display of love, wasn't it? Soul would willingly step before any blow, trade it all to protect Maka. He felt comfort in her presence and knew that without her, his life would be a much, much darker place. Then, well, obviously Stein was still pretty damn crazy if he was sticking to his statement. Still, Soul gave him a benefit of a doubt and decided to give him a chance to change his mind.

Sitting up from his slouch, Soul crossed his arms in the counseling section of the Shibusen Wellness Center and raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean I don't know what I'm saying?"

"You don't really love Maka, and if you want to protect your partnership with her, you'd better give it a lot more thought before you say something stupid." Stein had seen the connection between the two twist and distort in the midst of normal teenage feelings and hormones. The two had too much potential to let it fall into ruin, so he had called Soul in for a 'mind and body check up.' It had only taken about thirty minutes of chit chat to get to the point.

"Well, it's not like I was going to say anything." Soul looked away, annoyance clear in his face and tone.

"Because she deserves to be with someone better than you?" Stein watched the boy's slouch return. "Or because you don't think she'd feel the same? Are you scared that if it messes up, you'll lose her as a partner?"

"Isn't that what you just said?" Soul asked, happy to avoid the other two questions. Stein took in a deep breath, sorely wishing that he could light up a cigarette within the school.

Settling with a few cranks of his screw, he continued. "It's possible for a weapon and meister team to become romantically involved and even end it and remain a functional partnership. What you need to understand that this-" Stein poked Soul's chest. "Isn't love."

Soul frowned and in almost Black Star fashion stood. "What? My heart? Are you sayin' I'm not capable of feeling?"

"I meant your scar."

Soul sat at that, his hand resting on his chest. "What are you talking about? I mean, yea, it's my job to protect Maka as her weapon, but I don't see any one else doing this kind of thing for their meisters."

"That's because more often than not, they end up dead when they do." Soul dropped his hand from his chest into his lap as Stein sighed. "Willingly letting yourself die in battle for someone doesn't mean you love them. If you and Maka both died in battle trying to protect a village, it doesn't mean you love that village. It means you were doing your job and failed because you lacked something in your training. You throwing yourself in front of blows shows a lack of something, not the presence of love."

What the hell did Stein know about love? He lived alone in a lab. He didn't even have a definite weapon. Besides, what was he saying he lacked? Sanity? Soul crossed his arms. "Is the pot calling the kettle black? I'm not crazy."

Stein had to appreciate the use of the old figure of speech, but shook his head. "Why do you think your life is worth less than her's?"

"I...It's not like that. It's my job-"

"Your job is to follow her instructions since she's the wielder. If you can protect, it's your job to do so in a way that allows you both to continue to fight. It doesn't say anything in there about dying for your meister. You added that in yourself. It doesn't make sense that we'd encourage a policy that lessens our students."

Soul looked at his hands. He was sure that had been in there, a concept he had accepted happily.

"What I see, when I look at your connection with Maka, is a sort of worship." Stein continued. "The lack you have isn't sanity but self worth and without self worth, you can't love anyone. You can feel the symptoms that everyone describes as love, but in the end it doesn't work."

When Soul didn't respond, Stein crossed his arms over the front-facing back of his chair. "Think about it like this. If you and Maka found yourselves in another situation where she was in danger and again you decided to take the blow, because you love her so much, you end up dying or become utterly unusable. Now she's unarmed. The mind and soul crushing guilt she'd carry with her forever wouldn't even matter because more likely than not, she'd end up dead. If Spirit and I hadn't arrived when we did, neither of you would have returned from Italy because of your decision. Using your black blood recklessly also is highly dangerous. If you slipped into insanity and couldn't return, it's likely that we would have to lock you away or reap your soul, and again that leaves Maka with guilt that she'd likely never recover from. It's not love, it's self righteous suicide."

Soul gritted his teeth. "It's not like that's the only thing. We live together, I mean I like being around her. I feel comfortable and safe with her. We get each other. We trust each other."

"Congratulations, you two are a weapon-meister pair. It's your _job_ to like each other." Stein said, resting his cheek in his hand. "You might be really thankful for the change in your life that Maka brought when she brought you to Shibusen, but that doesn't mean it's love. And don't think just because you want to kiss her that you're in love either. That comes with being a teenaged boy living with a girl. Your hormones are going to tell your brain whatever it needs to get what it wants and since it and the feeling of love are both induced by chemicals in the brain, it's easy to get them confused."

"What do you know about love anyway?" Soul stood, ready to leave. "You don't know anything about me and Maka."

"I know that if you say you love her and find out later you were confused about your feelings, she'll end up back where she was before she met you. She won't trust men, she won't open up and almost certainly she won't be able to use you. With your infection, from your big show of love, the odds of finding someone else with her anti-insanity wavelength is close to nothing, so it's more of a choice in life style, isn't it?"

"I do have self worth, and I know what I feel." Soul grabbed his coat and slung it over his shoulder.

"Then do the following homework: I want you to write me a one paged paper on what you would do if you weren't a Shibusen student. Tell me what your life would be like and what you'd want to grow up to do."

Soul just huffed and that and turned for the door, but still Stein just waved as he left.

Obviously the lonely man was insane. Anyone would see he obviously loved her, right? At least liked on a level that would soon be love anyways. He'd die for her, how could that not be love? Self righteous suicide? Please. Soul had self worth, he was the coolest guy in the whole school, hell, everyone wanted him.

But what was he going to write for his stupid assignment? He thought about it as he shuffled down the hallway, back to class. If Maka hadn't come and taken him from _that place_, what would he be? What was he good at enough to make a living from? Not music. Certainly not.

Then what?

...Nothing came to mind...


End file.
